I PEELED a wrapper back from the base of a cupcake, ripped it in half, and pressed the bottom half over the frosting, thinking of Beckett the whole time. Casey, Aiden, and I sat on Aiden’s bed, eating from a box of leftovers Gayle and her husband gave me.
Casey licked some pink frosting from her knuckle. “I wish I could have seen you in action. It sounds like it was epic.”
With a blush, I shook my head. “Just said what needed to be said.”
Aiden tossed his own cupcake wrapper in his trashcan. “Don’t let her fool you, Cas. She has this, like, creepy hidden charisma in there.” He put his arm around Casey’s shoulder. “She’s going to rule the world someday.”
I rolled my eyes and got up. “Yeah right, couldn’t even get you to stay at the back of the parade.”
Casey eyed him.
“What?” he asked defensively. “It’s not my fault her speech moved me to action.”
With a shake of my head, I said, “I’m going to go pack my bags to hang out at Zara’s.”
Aiden frowned. “Are you sure you don’t want to go to the game with us?”
“Nah, you two have fun.” I tried to say it nonchalantly, but I couldn’t help the shake that crept into my voice. Seeing Beckett play at his last game of the season, knowing it was ending early because of me, would just hurt too bad.
I left Aiden’s room before I could dwell too much on what I’d be missing too. This would be my last chance to go to a game as a high school
student. But sometimes, you just had to choose the lesser of two pains, not get rid of the hurt altogether.
The other girls and I agreed to meet at Zara’s after the game, so around nine that night, I got in my car and drove the now familiar path to Brentwood. As I pulled up to Zara’s gated home and security let me through, there was a strange combination of bittersweet emotions warring within me that I couldn’t quite reconcile. It made me want to sing and cry at the same time.
I was happy to have my friends back, but if I were being honest, I’d hoped Beckett would come around at the assembly. That he would understand.
But how could he?
I’d humiliated him in front of the school. Used a bet as an excuse to pursue my true feelings about him. And then confronted him without warning in the hallway and insulted him to top it off.
I would have a hard time forgiving me too, and I didn’t have every red- blooded person of the opposite s*x vying for my attention either.
Trying to shove down my disappointment so I could fully enjoy this time with my friends, I got out of my car and walked to the front door. Beth let me in with a warm smile. “Rory, glad you’re back, sweetie.”
I grinned. “Good to be back.”
“Zara and the other girls are up in her room.”
I thanked her and walked up the stairs and down the hall to Zara’s expansive space. The others were in their swimsuits—even Callie. I noticed her psoriasis, patchy and red from her shoulder to her hairline.
Catching my stare, she said, “You inspired me.”
My eyebrows rose. I couldn’t believe my words had that much power, but I was glad. Callie deserved to have fun in the hot tub, just like the rest of us.
Zara tossed me a swimming suit. “Tonight’s definitely a hot tub night.” “And a pizza night,” Ginger added. “Please, let me eat something with
GMOs.”
I laughed. “We could probably arrange that.” Callie held up her phone. “Cool if I order it?”
Zara shrugged. “Fine by me. I’ll let Beth know someone’s coming.”
While Zara tapped out a message on her phone and Callie ordered pizza on hers, I went back to the bathroom to change. This bikini top showed off
my midsection, and the boy shorts had to stretch quite a bit to fit my hips, but I looked at myself in the mirror anyway. From my stretchmarks to the small patch of acne on my chin, I took myself in. I may not have been perfect, and I didn’t have any magazine cover photographers knocking down my door, but I was me, and that was more than good enough.
Callie grinned at me as I came out of the bathroom. “Pizza should be here any minute.”
I gave her a thumbs up, then kicked myself. That was awkward, right? The only people who gave thumbs ups were middle-aged white men and politicians. I put that puppy back by my side and said, “What’s better than pizza?”
Jordan lifted a brow. “Pizza and a hot tub.” “Let’s get going then!” Ginger said.
They started out the room, then I noticed something hanging above Zara’s door: the canvas I’d painted each of them.
Noticing me, Zara stepped back and looked up at it. “It’s beautiful, Ror.” She put her arm around my shoulders.
I put my arm around her waist and said, “I’m glad you like it.” And that my art could say what I couldn’t.
Ginger came back and followed our gaze. “I have mine above my bed.” Callie smiled at us. “Mine’s over my desk. It’s so good.”
“Agreed,” Jordan said. “You have some real talent.”
My cheeks felt warm. “I just…wanted you guys to know that for me, our friendship was real. I just thought when we’d won the bet you wouldn’t want anything to do with me anymore.”
Jordan looked down at the ground. “I thought you felt the same way about us.”
Ginger nodded in agreement.
Jordan put her hand out. “Promise we’ll never let a guy come between the Curvy Girl Club again?”
I covered her hand with my own. “Promise.”
The other girls followed suit and we stood there for a minute in a big group hug before starting toward the hot tub. We padded down the hallway, our bare feet making soft shuffling sounds on the tile. Thank goodness the chafing on my thighs had healed since last week, because despite being spandex shorts, these bottoms didn’t have much coverage.
We made it out to the hot tub, and I dipped my toes into the steaming water. The heat shocked my skin and sent prickles through my toes and up my legs. I eased my way in, hoping the water would also burn away the thoughts of Beckett and how he’d left me at the game, knowing I’d never have a chance to be his girlfriend, let alone his friend.
And I did feel better, but not enough to make this tightness in my chest go away.
“What’s wrong?” Callie asked me, nudging my toe with hers.
“I just…” I sighed, looking at the rippling image of my body under the water. The words that matched my feelings caught in my throat, and I closed my eyes for a moment. “I miss him.”
They all knew who I was talking about, even if I couldn’t bring myself to say his name.
Jordan’s dark eyes met mine against the water, worlds of pain there. “It’s been two weeks since my boyfriend broke up with me, and I’m still struggling. Every night I want to call him and hear his voice in my ear. Every day I want to text him if I see something funny or just to say hi. On the weekends, I want to meet up with him, spend time together.” She touched her lips. “I can’t help thinking of the last time we kissed and wishing that I’d known it was going to be the last time.”
A tear leaked down her face, and she wiped at it with wet hands, making her skin shimmer in the blue light from the hot tub. “But it doesn’t hurt as bad as the first day. I have to believe it will keep getting better.”
Understanding permeated my thoughts. Jordan had broken up with her boyfriend two weeks ago. When I’d started sitting with Beckett. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”
She shook her head and lifted the corner of her lips. “We did use you to get back at Merritt. I understand why you did what you did.”
My heart swelled so much it lodged in my throat. “I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t need to say anything,” Zara said. “Other than how you’re going to get Beckett back. There has to be a plan B.”
The lump in my throat grew against my will. “You didn’t see the way he looked at me when we had the argument in the hallway.”
“I heard about that.” Ginger cringed. “Was it bad?” I nodded. “The worst.”
Callie frowned. “That must have been awful.”
“Yeah,” Jordan said. “But we also saw the way he looked at you before.
He loves you.”
“Loved,” I said. “Past tense. He said so himself.”
“He’s hurt. There’s a difference,” Jordan said. “I should know.”
My heart went out to her. Of the five of us, she probably knew most what I was going through. “Why don’t you try to get your boyfriend back?”
Ginger said it before Jordan was forced to. “He found someone else.”
I covered my mouth. I couldn’t imagine seeing Beckett with someone else. How it would rip me even further apart and destroy whatever bits of my heart were left afterward.
“Don’t let Beckett get away,” Jordan said. Zara nodded. “Let us help.”
I reached out and touched her arm and then Ginger’s, who also sat next to me. “I appreciate it, guys, I really do, but I think this is something I have to do on my own. No plotting, no scheming, just me. And if that’s not enough for him, it wasn’t meant to be.”
